When you see someone successful, you rarely consider the trials and tribulations they may be facing. In fact, it is often the opposite: successful people inspire either pride or envy. However, success is not the end-all, be-all of happiness, and many of the most successful people in the world have achieved all of these feats yet do not feel truly happy with them.
Why is this true, and more importantly, why is it so common among the top tier? According to relationship educator and TEDx speaker Courtney Fae Long, that emptiness, even in the face of such accomplishments, often stems from a lack of intimacy. While that phrase has many connotations across different cultures, Long uses it in a broad sense, meaning that failing to have physical and emotional intimacy with others can contribute enormously to feelings of unhappiness.
When Achievement Outpaces Connection
A substantial part of the root of this problem stems from the pervasive grind culture in modern business. Factors such as productivity, resilience, and performance are rewarded because they are outwardly visible and demonstrate strength in the face of adversity. But emotional and relationship fulfillment needs are treated as secondary successes because achieving these outward-facing goals takes precedence.
Recent psychological research indicates that this status-chasing hierarchy is potentially harmful and grossly misplaced. For decades, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has monitored the relationship between adults’ success across various areas of their lives and happiness and health, and it has consistently found that the intimacy of an individual’s relationships is essential to happiness and health. These findings have been further corroborated by other studies as well, all of which point to a central truth: professional success alone is not enough to keep you happy in the long term.
Consider the converse relationship between the professional and the personal in the modern world. Many of the most successful people in any given trade must choose their work over their personal life in order to gain such traction in the first place. Long work hours, chronic stress, and constant mental engagement reduce emotional presence, which can slowly erode intimacy in long-term relationships.
Why Intimacy Is Often Overlooked
Because of all of this, intimacy is often not a priority for many people, when in fact, it desperately needs to be. If something goes wrong in your professional life, such as if you are fired, people immediately know that it is likely to have a negative effect on your life as a whole. With intimacy, however, it’s a much more internal struggle; one that others cannot immediately assess.
Courtney Fae Long highlights that many believe intimacy will naturally come back once life’s demands lessen. However, life rarely quiets on its own. If not deliberately nurtured, emotional and physical connections can stay neglected indefinitely. Studies in health psychology confirm that physical and emotional intimacy are associated with reduced stress hormones, better mood, and stronger emotional bonds due to oxytocin and dopamine release. A decline in intimacy can impact not just relationships, but overall health as well.
Rethinking Fulfillment
Fulfillment involves more than just achievements; it also encompasses how life feels during the process. When connections weaken, even highly successful lives can start to feel empty. For many, recognizing the importance of intimacy for overall well-being is the first step toward understanding that success alone does not guarantee happiness.
